Sunday, December 30, 2007


everybody has experienced getting lost in their lives... even me n you
we got lost looking for a place
we got lost in our own thoughts
we got lost in our self directions
... almost anything

how do you know that you are lost?

... when you dont know what is the next sentence
... when you dont know what is the next move
... when you dont know what is next
... when you dont know what was before
... when you dont know what is happening now

find somebody
find something
look out for help
look out for clues

when you are lost sometimes you become unstable
-an unstable molecule is dangerous - it might explode... kaput or anything

i am an unstable molecule, except i am not stupid

Tuesday, December 25, 2007


I have a son - bright and very cheerful, but a bit timid...

Today, I watched another movie - "Stepmom" Julia Robert as the stepmom and Susan Sarandon as the mother.

Well... I cried (not a river but considerably flowing)
Why? The mother is dying of cancer and she was feeling sad & worry that one day her children might forget her and the stepmom will take her place. And she worried that her daughter (oh, she has a daughter and a son) will grew up to be like the stepmom (obviously she saw Julia Robert as a husband stealer)...

What I want my son to be? He was born as a clean white sheet... and my husband and I are given the task to colour it and the result will be how we painted it...

Again, what I want my son to be?

Of course, as a mother, I always pray he will be strong, successful, determine, well mannered and all the good things.. not just here but successful afterlife.

Whether he will turn out to be a doctor, or engineer, or architect, or photographer or whatever he will be - I will not dictate that for him. I just want him to be excellent in what he chose to become. And of course, i will mould all good attitudes and behaviour so he will become something great and not otherwise.

Gone were the days when parents tell us what we should become... cos by that way, many of us now don't have passion in what we do... it is just a job to do.

We always want our children to be somebody but we forgot that he is already a somebody today - we just need to observe and guide...

when a moment is lost...?

"a prince & me"

a good movie - love julia stiles and love the prince more. also love the way the prince look at her with full of inspiration, love and proud...

hmm... then i remember, that was how i felt when i looked at my husband (during our dating days). and another look that will always be in my mind is the time i looked at him the minute we became husband & wife. he looked most handsome, and glowing - maybe subconsciously it tells me "that is the man that will build my world, be my protector, paint my future" and all the hopes and dreams.

why - now whenever i looked at him, it is just a look? where have all the feelings gone to? what happen to it?

is it because we forgot to remind each other of our love? or is it because we thought thru marriage we don't have to express our feelings cos it is understood - hey, we are still married, rite?

i think some married couples still say "I love you" and mean it whenever they feel like and no doubt, there are also couples who (like what i mentioned in earlier paragraphs...) like to assume while they are still married, it means they love each other.

it may be a reason why we lost the look - the moment of love...

me? well, there is a reason why i LOVE watching romantic movies like Love Actually, Music & Lyrics, Catch & Release and more of similar manner - cos i love to imagine that i am in the leading actress' shoe...

nothing beats the feelings of knowing someone loves you - romanticly...
(am i being ridiculous?)

Monday, December 24, 2007


Biarkanlah saja diriku sendirian tanpamu
Biarkanlah aku merindu sekian lama
Bukan maksud untuk membisusepi tanpa kata
Terpisahnya kita kerana mengejar impian

Mungkinkah bersama dua jiwa ini
Dalam mencari cinta sejati
Mungkinkah segala derita di jiwa
Akan terubat kini

Biarkanlah saja diriku sepi tanpa kata
Terpisahnya kita kerana mengejar impian

Hanya satu pintaku
Sabarlah menanti
Ku kan pulang bersama

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

coming up

bEinG DeaF frOm MisERy....................

everyday i woke up... grateful that i am still alive...
but why am i feeling miserable?
is it misery? is it loneliness? is it depression? or is it just stupid PMS?

i don't know...
don't know why i am unhappy
don't know why i am in a slump
don't know why i am having this fucking feelings!

people would say i am blessed
... with a family - a husband and a brilliant son
... with a business i am running now - that is catching up and suits my passion
... with 2 houses i stayed in
... with support from family members
... with a good maid
... with everything
but why am i not happy?

was i blessed? what did i say...?
or was it ...
2 houses - which none are mine (one my mom's and the other is my in laws - which i have my stuff everywhere in any house which sometimes i bloody cant remember where are my stuff. and when i am in a mood to clear my laundry then i realised i was in the wrong house. and when i was in a mood to do my creative artwork i realised my stuff are in the other house. and when i feel like watching my favourite series i realised the damn TV doesnt have that channel!)

is it a bless?
or isn't it...
i have a good maid - that doesn't want to go to my mother's house. she's so good that i can't lay a finger on her. can't say anything. can't control when she wants to go back to see her husband. oh, and sometimes i have to 'berebut' my son with her (i wanted to bathe him but out of her good intention as a maid she INSISTED to bathe my son). and did i mention she always got the credit from my in laws? - she did...

what else am i bless with?
a car? yes, well... my car has been a loyal car for 8 years and now she is showing signs of wanting a 'promotion'

how can i be happy?
cos i am more than blessed...

i drove my car this morning and i put on my CD... why the hell still i cant hear the fucking music?!!
i increased the volume... still can't hear!! i only heard voices in my fucking head! what voices??? god knows!
i increased the volume again.... with a good pair of speakers i thought it would work...
yeah, now i am deaf from my misery after i increased the volume of more than half of what it has....
i am deaf but only for that moment...

the question is... what would i do after i stop my car??

Sunday, December 9, 2007


who knows what opportunity looks like... it comes and goes... sometimes you know it, sometimes you don't.

anybody watched the movie 'The Pursuit of Happyness'?

in that movie, will smith's character said... (forgot the name la)...
(something like...) " get lucky only when you are ready and opportunity comes your way..."

in a way i think it's true... eventhough opportunity comes to u and u are not prepared, you cannot take it. therefore, you are not lucky!

then, moral of the story... be prepared all the time. i am saying to myself as well cos i realised in business, you must always be prepared... even if it takes your whole time.

good luck!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007


our other half
the one we find comfort in
the one we trust our whole world is save with him/her
is it really comfortable?
is it really save?
(the cats look cosy though...)
the answer lies in you

Monday, December 3, 2007

how good you balance your life...?

saving all my love for you

in our lives... each individual will get different experience. depending on your perspectives, how you look at things.

as for me, many things happened last few days really tested my patience. frankly, i didn't know what perspective to look things at - in other words, i lost my perspective, i lost my cool, i lost my sanity.

well... to begin with, i was not a perfect person. and i tend to get agitated so easily... somehow, 'somebody' always manage to get under my skin! worst, there's nothing much i can do about it!!!

stupid as stupid does... or is it??

marriage is a holy, sacred bondage. but why do i feel as if it is a burden on me? there are good points - i got somebody to look after me and how else can i get my own flesh n blood, if its not thru marriage... and my son, is my bliss, my peace, my health...

to what extend can marriage be a blessed union? i don't know... i am lost. i don't know where i am. i don't know where i am going... all i know is, i will try to save all my love to my marriage - to my husband and everything related to him....

hella good!

long time no see....!!

sorry mates, been busy setting up my spa. Luckily i got a good friend who helped me through out.

Yup, i managed to get my spa up & running - it is called "a'che spa"... (quick guess where i got the name from? hehhe). it is in Plaza Damas, Sri Hartamas. All friends and relatives are invited to come and show your support... yessaaa... We have good therapist, she's excellent! You will never regret coming...

Call us +6017 279 3698 or email or visit our blog

Well, now that i have more time, i will dedicated few minutes of my day to update you, my beloved blog...

Thursday, August 23, 2007


i am moving out of my house
my sister is moving out of her house
we are moving out tomorrow
moving in to my mother's new government house

tomorrow we are moving out
all my stuff are still out
tomorrow we have to pack everything
before people can bring them out

moving out of house is not easy
it will make you go greasy
i'll have friends that will help me
so i hope it will go breezy

i remember last time i moved out
few friends came and helped out
but it was a funny and memorable day
as all our peluh jantan and inner gases all came out

moving out is an experience
which you hope there is no recurrence
but no matter how you try to avoid
sooner or later it sure still happens

to my friend that is helping tomorrow
please do not sleep in sorrow
sleep tight and dont let the bed bug bite
cos tomorrow you will be our hero

hehehhehe.... you know who you are...

m y d i g n i t y

I decided long ago
Never to walk in anyone's shadow
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

spa escapades

most of my close friends know that i am going to open a spa. what they didnt know is WHEN? WHERE? and maybe WHY?

i almost open a spa last few months, but because the owner of the spa wont even negotiate on the price and i felt that something is not right somewhere (plus i didnt like the way her husband 'discuss' things with us).... i decided not to buy over her spa.

then, i went to find out on loans to start my spa from scratch - zero - nil. SME bank sent me to an entreprenuer course for 6 days at vry minimal fee of rm200. well, i learnt a lot about enterprenuership and i surely learnt that having 6 meals a day in a 6 day course can give u 'extra look'!

then, i met few friends - to gather info for my business proposal. before i could finish my proposal, i got a call from a friends saying that she wants to sell her spa. at good price. with good prospects and potentials. is this what people call FATE?

i will buy that spa and i will (finally) going to run my spa business. and this initial spa of mine will eventually have its chains of branches everywhere i cant even imagine.

perrghhh.... there may be those who dont believe it will work but I DO! and IT WILL!

God, please be with me all the way... and bless my business with profits and profits (heheheh... ) and benefits i can shower on others. amin....

i simply remember MY FAVOURITE THINGS & then i don't feel so bad

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things
When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sadI simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

Monday, August 20, 2007

my guardian angels

in our lives, i believe we were each given our own guardian angels...

i have friends that i know will be there no matter what happens.

i have many friends, but i noticed in my 'big' troubled times, these are the ones that God sent to me...

funny how life works

but guys, if you are reading this - thank you! for being there.

for putting up with my 'outstanding' behaviour... hehehhehe

yus is there whenever i got work issues... prinsip hidup
liza is there whenever i need good spontanous excitement in life
raja is there whenever i got issues understanding feelings
gaza is there almost all the times - esp with regards to computer hehehe

thank you again.

but most of the times, they are always there

Am I a guardian angel to anybody??
How would I know - but I hope I am...

(Note: in view to 50 years Merdeka celebration, 2 pictures were taken ages ago. so please do not adjust your screen - there is nothing wrong with your computer. they 'did' look like that once upon a time!)

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

to ALL

happy 30th birthday to me!
may Allah bless all my families, my friends
thank you for being there for me - in good and bad

the LOVE of

my husband, aka Blongos, is the one without shirt in from of the guy in green. he just woke up. this was taken at his high education school in kajang.
he is very kind, patient and he completes me. he is everything that i am not. without him, i cant even imagine what will happen.

we went to study ALevel together (and nope, he didnt end up as a janitor). he works as an accountant in KL.
He will, one day, be a successful person. And may Allah bless his life now and thereafter... amen.

our WEDDING 010303. at that time there wedding photography was not so famous and recognised (so, excuse the pose)...
there are many things i wish i had done on that day but guess maybe i'll modify and do it during our anniversary one day!
nonetheless, thank you for taking me to be part of your life...

my buah hati pengarang jantung - the apple of my eye...
that was when he was a year old. this december he will be 3 years old - AMIR HAZEEM
Dear Allah, hope he will grow up to be successful (dunia & akhirat), very healthy mind, body & soul, become well to do, rich, also rich in manners, pious, have a happy family, charismatic, bold, caring and all the best things you deemed best for him. Amen.

what i have done

i love dancing... this was in Form 6 final year party. we did a line dance. we hantam actually and it was fun! still enjoy dancing but only at home :-) with my son!

in London. done the london eye with my hubby. went on the something like bungee jumping (without my hubby)... it was crazeeee!! such adrenalin rush!

also love water sports. i did waterski (i think that was what it's called), jetski, snorkling (tioman, redang, phuket, karambunai, etc).

also love absailing and those sort but hate hiking or mount climbing.

PLACES i've BEEN: penang, JB, Singapore, Terengganu, Perlis, N9(ofcourse), Perak, Pahang, Phuket, Karambunai Sabah, Bali, London UK, Bandung (i cant remember all).

I have their pictures, used to have their posters, have their songs, sing it as well.
wish i can take pictures with them, unfortunately some of them were dead.. so madame tussaud is one solution.
(thanks ma & pa for the sponsored honeymoon trip)

there are pictures i've taken with the local artistes, shawn, amy mastura... not many... but sometimes it is fun just to take pictures with a celeb eventho u are not really into them :-)

there are many other things i wanna do

places i wanna go

i will...

LearningCurves of MyLife

i was seated front row 2nd from left... i think i was the ketua darjah. we were in Class 6B, i think, most of us got 5As for our UPSR. the teachers were esthatic!
this was in 1994, 5 Science 1,MGHS. i was seated front row, 3rd from left. was the school prefect (the prefect board's secretary). i got 12 agreggates for my SPM and C5 for my 1119 (not so happy about my result but served me right for not doing my homework... hehheee)

ALevel 1995-1997 PPP/ITM Shah Alam (Batch 14 - 14J). Standing 6th from right. my first time away from home. however, most of us didnt manage to go oversea cos of the 1997 recession. sad... frustration everywhere. our dreams were crushed but we moved on...
my NCUK mates. it was our study trip to Puchak Alam. hot day! we had to climbed up to the top. quite tiring but fun... still didnt manage to fly! i didnt get the best student award - only special effort by UK board cos my result is about the same with the awarded best student, Queen (she squatted in front)

my degree years... in UiTM. the one standing behind with the sunglass was our class lecturer - he taught us to be tough (it was tough). this was our class trip to Tioman Island (1st time i learned snorkeling). i was seated in front (still hehehe) with the sunglass.
LIFE is tough especially if things happen beyond your control. But who are we to stop our journey... life must go on...

My one and only proper job is in Jones Lang Wootton - almost 6 years there and those years made me into what i am today. stronger and appreciate life better. resigned cos i want something more - i know i worth and can achieve more...

w a l k w i t h m e

I aM 30 tOdaY!

what was i 30 years ago? come, i'll take you thru the journey with me...

this was me - 29 years ago.
the one in the crane was in year 1983, was with my uncle.
the next one was also in 1983, with my 2nd sis, Buliz.

my pic in red cheongsam was in 1981, got cheated by my grandmother who was taking her 'passport' photo to go to Mekah. I thought i was taking the same photo to go too but turned out it was just a normal photo and i was left in m'sia (obviously)

my 2 sisters and i (can recognise me?)... we were in shangri-la penang. i was still in secondary school. that was the hairstyle that i could afford - my hair was thick and kasar... hehhehe

being a child was great...

  • i was born in 1977 in kota bharu kelantan (my parents were still studying in UK but they came back to deliver me in traditional way - darn! otherwise my place of birth would be Manchester UK hehehhe)
  • was brought up by my grandparents in kelantan... always got tortured by my youngest uncle - i called him fat and he would chase me to give me a good kick in the butt...
  • being the only grandchild at that time, i got LOTS of presents from my uncles and aunties...hahahhah
  • i used to slap my sister in her face when she was sleeping and her legs were on my side of the bed. pretended to sleep when she woke up HAHHAHAH - sorry Liz.
  • pushed my sister (Liz again!) into our pretend jail cell and she cried...also i pretended nothing happen
  • bit my uncle the my dad on their hands when they ask me to share my toy gun (goshhh... and i didnt have mny teeth - so not so bad, ticklish maybe)
  • kicked my youngest brother when my parents were not looking (hey, he kicked me first) that made him scared at me... sorry youl!
  • always got myself in injury - scratched my face (fell down while playing police and thief), sprained my ankle whilst running in the rain,sprained my other ankle cos Liz fell on it while i chased her (she was a bit more than normal weight at that time!)
  • sabotaged my great grandmother's drink by mixing it with Maggi powder - she's no longer alive, hope she forgave me

HAHHAHA.... those were the days... cant tell everything but i can guess you can imagine how my childhood was like...

Monday, August 13, 2007

mEn R from MaRs...

God created men and women differently. Adam was first created alone.. and from one of his ribs God created Eve. Many things were comprehended from this miraculous event.

from my understanding...
Men were created to lead. and women are to support them right by their 'side'...
Men are also to protect their women as they protect their ownself, hurting them is as good as hurting their own 'ribs'.
And both need each other...

Why? Why were we created different?
I remember there was one fight I had with my husband... he couldnt understand why i need to rely on him on certain things...
God gave a sense of dependency to a woman so she will always see her husband as someone she can trust, someone she can depend on, someone she feels safe with, a shoulder she can cry on... and many more

If a woman doesnt have all those feelings... imagine how a marriage would be?
A husband is independent... the wife is also independent... nobody needs anybody...
what's the point? (but dont be too dependent or clingy - it's annoying)

God created all these so that we can feel and appreciate how beautiful life is..
It is have somebody by your side. somebody who needs you, and you need them.

makes your life more meaningful once all these equations are fulfilled.

so, i will take our differences as our blessings. true, some differences are total wreck - but some couple's differences are meant to complete each other.

that's life...

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Malaysia vs PSV Eindhoven

accepted an invitation from a friend to watch the Youth Cup last night between our beloved Malaysia vs PSV Eindhoven... went with my husband and a couple of the said friends

what did we get? well, it was my first time to watch football live in the stadium - it was a great feeling: you can shout, you can scream, you do mexican wave, you can swear (not so adviseable), you can jump from your seat when you thought the team is about to score but they didnt... , you can flag your hands way up your head... and many more.

what about the game?
it was quite frustrating during the first half (in case you didnt know... we lost 2-0), both goals were scored during the first half. our team was playing on defensive mode with only one striker trying to even get the ball to the other side. supporters were quite restless (anyone could especially if you spend ages trying to park your car!)

but things changed during the second half (guess coach give them hell of a time). malaysia played more aggressive and more attacks and tackles were made. supporters bacame alive again - atleast we got something to cheer about, something to be excited about! eventhough no goal was scored, but we felt good cos of the fight we saw in them.

and they were MUCH MUCH better than our senior Malaysian team! and people were shouting, 'Dik, jangan jadi macam abang!" (indicating... don't be like your seniors who were kind enough to let the opponent to kick as many goals pass the goal keeper with very insignificant fight shown)

why malaysian do not watch football in stadium as much as those in europe?
firstly, our stadiums are not located in areas which are easily reached with lrt or commuter (etc)
secondly, fucking damn hard to get your car park
thirdly, some supporters are not sporting enough (we cannot throw water bottles or anything into the field - what are we? barbaric?)

well, i like my first experience and surely will go for more if time permits...

Monday, July 30, 2007

stand by me O A S I S

Made a meal and threw it up on sunday,
Ive, got a lot of things to learn,
Said I would and I believe in one day,
Before my heart starts to burn
So whats the matter with you,Sing me something new,
Dont you know the cold and wind and rain dont know,They only seem to come and go, away
Times are hard when things have got no meaning,
Ive found a key upon the floor,
Maybe you and I will not believe in,
The thing we find behind the door
So whats the matter with you,Sing me something new,
Dont you know the cold and wind and rain dont know,They only seem to come and go away
Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way its gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way its gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way its gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows,Yeah nobody knows,The way its gonna be
If your leaving will you take me with you,
Im tired of talking on my phone,
There is one thing I can never give you,
My heart will never be your home,
So whats the matter with you,Sing me something new,
Dont you know the cold and wind and rain dont know,
They only seem to come and go, away
Maybe I can see, yeah,
But dont you know the cold and wind and rain dont know
They only seem to come and go, away.


how many of us know facts about depression?

"Depression is a common illness. It is more common than hypertension or diabetes. The lifetime occurrence of depression in any country is between 8% to 10%. Contrary to common belief it is not an illness of developed countries alone. It occurs in developing countries like ours just as commonly as in other countries. The World Health Organization and the World Bank studied the disability that diseases bring and found that Depression is the fourth most disabling disease in the world. It is predicted that in 2020 it will rise to being the second most disabling disease. The World Health Organization also estimates that more people die from suicide than from Tuberculosis deaths in the Asia Pacific region. The most common cause for death by suicide is Depression." - extracted from Malaysian Psychiatric Association.

well, not to scare anybody... not to scare myself but knowing that any one of us is capable of experiencing depression (plus that it is more likely to happen to women - remember 'hormonal-imbalance' or 'post-natal-depression'?) it is crucial for me (and anybody) to have something happy to do or remember or atleast think of...

funny when as we grow older, we forget what are our hobbies
our creativity blocked by our daily chores, requirement to be mature

Remember the time when we use to play we boxes - sat in one box and pretended it was an aeroplane?
Weren't we creative?

I think i almost hit a nervous breakdown - reasons of which i yet to discover...
it's crazy - and it was ugly. hate the feelings... but was lucky and still lucky cos i have good friends to comfort me, remind me to count the blessings i have...

so, i tried to recall my hobbies - i like dancing, songs, flowers (bought some for myself yesterday)... and i like beautiful things (which remind me of beautiful son i have, beautiful life...)
whenever i got the chance, i will get time to fulfill my hobbies... atleast one, if not all..

Wednesday, July 25, 2007


i wanna lose weight

i found an old picture of mine

i was thinner....

it will be my inspiration to lose weight

errr... excuse me, but i am now not 'so' fat

but i've gained weight

well, diet food (erghhh...!)

here i comes...

m y . d e s k

college days... what have i been doing?

found this picture of my desk during college days - some things show how much i spent on 'study' and what have i been doing for the rest of my college days... hehhehe

from the pic, you can see the dried flowers which my at-that-time boyfriend gave me (now married to me). he and few friends bought the flowers from bangsar night market and to my surprise, they wrapped the flowers themselves. altho it didnt look as expensive but it's the thought that's count.

hmm... and i am a beatles mania! i have most of the cassettes and cds. i had their posters and their pictures (call me old timer, but i looove them!)

not many books seen in the picture - don't be fooled. i kept my books at the next cabinet (partly seen in the pic). had to admit, not much of a bookworm.

well, i think college life is the best! less people judging people cos we don't care. we don't care what you do. as long as it didnt involve us.

we ate cheap food, whatever we could afford from the cafe (or canteen). whenever we got extra, it will be pizza or kfc or mcD. we didnt know much of coffee bean, starbucks etc. we didnt care.

we listened to radio most of the time - and we got the time! oasis, gin blossoms, wings, search, ella, cranberry, no doubt etc. we sang together, nobody cares how we sounded... we just enjoyed the feeling.

we rode buses, crammed into an already crammed buses. nobody cares.

we put anything, everything at our desk. nobody cares. only we cares - and we were free to put anything... cos we trust our roommates, our friends - who came to our room to hang out (not stealing or spying on our stuff).

good life, eh?! it was for me!

Tuesday, July 24, 2007


forrest gump says, life is like a box of chocolate... you'll never know what you will get
true.. to a certain extendnowadays, all chocolates come in labelled packages, to a certain degree, you will know what you will get
so, can we say life is the same?
choosing the right path in your life, to a certain degree your decision will be based on what you know for certain will happen.
obviously nothing is perfect. we can only plan and carry out our plan as best as we can
but it is beyond our control to decide what will actually happen.
where was i last few weeks? i attended a course on becoming an entreprenuer...
yes, i wanna become one succesful damn rich entreprenuer
i hope and pray God will help me all the way
for i can only plan and strive my best - but very few i know what will actually turn out

what i know - my feelings are strong and i was not meant to end up as an employee
for i want more than that
and i want to write my own story, not somebody else...

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

new trend??? A DATUK ERA

don't know whether it is just me or is it now the trend for ladies to go older men with titles esp. 'Datuk'ship title?

every now and then there seems to be more of the above mentioned incidences. be it single women, married women, celebrities or nobodys... most would opt to have some kind of 'connection' with any Datuk. why?

just recently, a close friend of mine was having his most shocking encounter - to find out that his sort-of-beautiful wife to be having intimate affair with a well-known-for-his-womaniser-reputation Datuk. why? WHY?

i cannt understand the reason/s behind all these dangerous 'liaisons'... well... first of all, she's married. secondly... the husband is MUCH more good looking than the Datuk. come to think of it again, there shouldnt be a second reason cos the first one is good enuf!

what do women want? i am a woman - what do i want?

... many things: romantic husband, gentleman, caring, and of course able to provide me in 'any ways'. money wise... of course i want a husband who can tabur me with lots and lots of them. BUT... there are also many reasons why i cant have ALL at one time.

firstly, am i as perfect wife as i want him to be a perfect husband? (i rarely cook & he doesnt mind - that's already a good point)
secondly, how to expect him to have LOTS of money when i married a young guy who just started working? i married him based on his good qualities and on his high tolerance on my bizarre behaviour and i know HE HAD NO MONEY at that time!
but, as a muslim, i believe God has plans for all of us... maybe he will be somebody one day... nobody knows. but we know every effort will be paid.

and i hope one day, should he be granted with any 'title'ship - no younger women will come and take him from me. cos if she did, i will be the first one to take away his god-given-manhood from him and left her with none. yet i know, with God's permission, it will not happen... ameen.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007


most of us were rebellious in certain ways when we were young, especially teenagers.

as for me, i couldnt afford to be rebellious too much (as my mother had warned me to kick me out of the house if i did...). so, i resorted to songs. i can listened to songs all day in my room. i had songs in my cars - numbers of cassettes (it was 1990s - ok - no CD yet). and i had songs for all 'moods'.

whenever i got angry, it would be metallica, nirvana, GNR, def leppard, green day...
whenever i was happy, it would be beatles, abba, gin blossoms
whenever i was feeling a little bit above the sky, it would be bon jovi, aerosmith, air supply, mr big, take that (hehhehe)

nice feelings, man... they were my best friends (and still are), cos they understood my feelings most.

so, after few years already, last night my friends and i (and my husband) let it out of our system. we had 3 hours of jamming. it was hell of fun time!
chord was not too perfect, singers were much of a 'songbird' - but we had GREAT time!!!

well, nothing beats reminiscing your past, eh...

Monday, July 2, 2007

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

poem by ee cummings

SIVAJI the boss

anyone has watched this movie?

yup, it's a tamil movie and it has been collecting millions from all over the world and the main actor, rajnikanth is the highest paid actor as compared to shah rukh khan or amitabh batchan (err... hope i spell everybody's name correctly...)

i have been reading commentaries on the movie in a few newspapers and mags and all gave out excellent comment.

well, where else can you watch one guy beat up more than 10 (or maybe couple of 'tens' hehehhe) villains and won with very few scratches on his body? and in which movie can you enjoy good hip moving songs, and not complaint on too much songs or music in it? in which movie can you see that the hero is much much much smarter than the police or authority (action moves like SWAT, BAD BOYS, etc EXCEPT he is not a guy in uniform)

another thing i learnt, tamil movies are more interesting than hindustanies... (they are more variations and more unpredictable story plots)

i am looking for a cd to watch at home cos my in laws also interested... wanna join me watching it?

Tuesday, June 26, 2007


the title of a 'Mother' comes with various responsibilities, numerous expectations, countless sacrifices, unexpected undertakings and full of surprises.
i never understood more about motherhood until i was blessed with a child... and i know, there are more to learn.
first, i learnt that pregnancy is different to every individuals. one of my ex-bosses used to look down on pregnant mums who easily get sick. who are unable to be independent... to me, each one of us mum-to-be will have our own share of experience. some will experience very easy pregnancy, some very difficult ones. so, my ex-boss has no right to judge others. (by the way, just found out that she's pregnant for 2nd time and she is very 'sick' - not so tough herself)
anyway, let's move on....
secondly, i learnt that delivering the baby also another chapter in motherhood. i had a tough one, 10 hours in labour room, bearing the labour pain. gosh, even my husband can't stand looking at me trying to go through it.
thirdly, i learnt that newborns are not so cute... hehheheh they are very... small... and fragile... and my son had his experience living in the incubator.. he was already suffocated in the womb. God is Great, he recovered very fast.
fourthly, growing up with my son taught me many lessons about life. how to be more patience... how to shop not for yourself but for him (wonder how he did that)... how to lose your mind worrying whenever he is sick... how to wonder why sometimes he wants to sleep with the nanny and not you...
however, the biggest lesson i learnt is that my son is one of the wonderful things that happen to me. and motherhood makes me want to be a better person...

Wednesday, June 20, 2007


few days ago i rewatched an adam sandler movie - CLICK

very meaningful... deep message on family values.
when i first started working, i was still single, my priority was my work.
among the first to reach office and was among the last to leave; hardly go back to my hometown in melaka and fortunately my family members were being very understanding (eventhough sometimes my mom did pass few cynical remarks... hehehehh)

when i got engaged, i started to weigh and tried to foresee my future. i couldnt go on working like a dog when i have somebody that would eventually share my part of suffering. what do i mean? really, won't my spouse suffer of boredom whenever i was not home? won't he feel my stress when at times i bring back my work stress to home?

i changed department to a supposed-less-stress job. but no! stress are everywhere as long as there is work! i tried to balance family and work as much as i can, and yet the balancing part is very subjective. but i tried...

well, some people want to be a career person, it is not wrong.

but to me, families are my priority because they will be the one missing me the most when i leave this world one day... as i would miss them...

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

clogged system

every system that has something flowing in or out and involves some sort of piping - will face clogging problem in any manner.

what the hell am i talking about??? (you may ask)

e.g. drainage will get clogged if no constant cleaning is being done
aircond ducting can also get 'jammed' if it is not properly maintained
your blood system, your aorta, veins will get clogged if you do not take care of your food or your lifestyle

yesterday, my friends and i played badminton after 3 years resting...
and we gave our own body system a 'SHOCK'! Praise God, we managed to get out of the badminton hall 'walking' (eventhough, it may look more like limping...).

we had fun, eventhough after the first 20 minutes we were running for water! and gagging for air...!

and about the clogged system, what do you expect after 3 years of no exercise...

i slept like a log. i woke up with aching back... not sure what happen to my friends... but i hope they survived the consequences... and ready to take another beating next week...

Monday, June 18, 2007

fun - remember the last time you had them?

i am going to be 30 this year, August. for the last few years, most of the time i forgot what it's like to have FUN.

i believe that's the situation for most of us. we forget...
we forget the good feeling that comes with FUN
we forget how to have plain pure fun - without expecting anything in return, or suspecting any hidden agenda from somebody who provides you the fun time

children know how to have fun. they enjoy every second...

so, what's wrong with us adults? is it because we want to be grown up that we limit our fun time?
or because we want to look mature so we choose when to have fun?

or is it because, we went through too many things that make us give-up on fun...

some people still do have fun and their life seems easy...

i used to forget but now i will try to change... cause life with no fun also means life with migraine, nightmares, sleepless nights and the worst part is hemorrhoids (hhehehheheh...)

Sunday, June 17, 2007


can we avoid 'busy'?

maybe with a little time management... says some
maybe with a little self management.... says others
maybe you are just born to be busy... says the rest

i am going to be busy these few days

enjoy life!