Sunday, December 30, 2007
we got lost looking for a place
we got lost in our own thoughts
we got lost in our self directions
... almost anything
how do you know that you are lost?
... when you dont know what is the next sentence
... when you dont know what is the next move
... when you dont know what is next
... when you dont know what was before
... when you dont know what is happening now
look out for help
look out for clues
when you are lost sometimes you become unstable
-an unstable molecule is dangerous - it might explode... kaput or anything
i am an unstable molecule, except i am not stupid
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Today, I watched another movie - "Stepmom" Julia Robert as the stepmom and Susan Sarandon as the mother.
Well... I cried (not a river but considerably flowing)
Why? The mother is dying of cancer and she was feeling sad & worry that one day her children might forget her and the stepmom will take her place. And she worried that her daughter (oh, she has a daughter and a son) will grew up to be like the stepmom (obviously she saw Julia Robert as a husband stealer)...
What I want my son to be? He was born as a clean white sheet... and my husband and I are given the task to colour it and the result will be how we painted it...
Again, what I want my son to be?
Of course, as a mother, I always pray he will be strong, successful, determine, well mannered and all the good things.. not just here but successful afterlife.
Whether he will turn out to be a doctor, or engineer, or architect, or photographer or whatever he will be - I will not dictate that for him. I just want him to be excellent in what he chose to become. And of course, i will mould all good attitudes and behaviour so he will become something great and not otherwise.
Gone were the days when parents tell us what we should become... cos by that way, many of us now don't have passion in what we do... it is just a job to do.
We always want our children to be somebody but we forgot that he is already a somebody today - we just need to observe and guide...
a good movie - love julia stiles and love the prince more. also love the way the prince look at her with full of inspiration, love and proud...
hmm... then i remember, that was how i felt when i looked at my husband (during our dating days). and another look that will always be in my mind is the time i looked at him the minute we became husband & wife. he looked most handsome, and glowing - maybe subconsciously it tells me "that is the man that will build my world, be my protector, paint my future" and all the hopes and dreams.
why - now whenever i looked at him, it is just a look? where have all the feelings gone to? what happen to it?
is it because we forgot to remind each other of our love? or is it because we thought thru marriage we don't have to express our feelings cos it is understood - hey, we are still married, rite?
i think some married couples still say "I love you" and mean it whenever they feel like and no doubt, there are also couples who (like what i mentioned in earlier paragraphs...) like to assume while they are still married, it means they love each other.
it may be a reason why we lost the look - the moment of love...
me? well, there is a reason why i LOVE watching romantic movies like Love Actually, Music & Lyrics, Catch & Release and more of similar manner - cos i love to imagine that i am in the leading actress' shoe...
nothing beats the feelings of knowing someone loves you - romanticly...
(am i being ridiculous?)
Monday, December 24, 2007
Biarkanlah aku merindu sekian lama
Bukan maksud untuk membisusepi tanpa kata
Terpisahnya kita kerana mengejar impian
Mungkinkah bersama dua jiwa ini
Dalam mencari cinta sejati
Mungkinkah segala derita di jiwa
Akan terubat kini
Biarkanlah saja diriku sepi tanpa kata
Terpisahnya kita kerana mengejar impian
Hanya satu pintaku
Ku kan pulang bersama
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
but why am i feeling miserable?
is it misery? is it loneliness? is it depression? or is it just stupid PMS?
i don't know...
don't know why i am unhappy
don't know why i am in a slump
don't know why i am having this fucking feelings!
people would say i am blessed
... with a family - a husband and a brilliant son
... with a business i am running now - that is catching up and suits my passion
... with 2 houses i stayed in
... with support from family members
... with a good maid
... with everything
but why am i not happy?
was i blessed? what did i say...?
or was it ...
2 houses - which none are mine (one my mom's and the other is my in laws - which i have my stuff everywhere in any house which sometimes i bloody cant remember where are my stuff. and when i am in a mood to clear my laundry then i realised i was in the wrong house. and when i was in a mood to do my creative artwork i realised my stuff are in the other house. and when i feel like watching my favourite series i realised the damn TV doesnt have that channel!)
is it a bless?
or isn't it...
i have a good maid - that doesn't want to go to my mother's house. she's so good that i can't lay a finger on her. can't say anything. can't control when she wants to go back to see her husband. oh, and sometimes i have to 'berebut' my son with her (i wanted to bathe him but out of her good intention as a maid she INSISTED to bathe my son). and did i mention she always got the credit from my in laws? - she did...
what else am i bless with?
a car? yes, well... my car has been a loyal car for 8 years and now she is showing signs of wanting a 'promotion'
how can i be happy?
cos i am more than blessed...
i drove my car this morning and i put on my CD... why the hell still i cant hear the fucking music?!!
i increased the volume... still can't hear!! i only heard voices in my fucking head! what voices??? god knows!
i increased the volume again.... with a good pair of speakers i thought it would work...
yeah, now i am deaf from my misery after i increased the volume of more than half of what it has....
i am deaf but only for that moment...
the question is... what would i do after i stop my car??
Sunday, December 9, 2007
anybody watched the movie 'The Pursuit of Happyness'?
in that movie, will smith's character said... (forgot the name la)...
(something like...) "...you get lucky only when you are ready and opportunity comes your way..."
in a way i think it's true... eventhough opportunity comes to u and u are not prepared, you cannot take it. therefore, you are not lucky!
then, moral of the story... be prepared all the time. i am saying to myself as well cos i realised in business, you must always be prepared... even if it takes your whole time.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Monday, December 3, 2007
as for me, many things happened last few days really tested my patience. frankly, i didn't know what perspective to look things at - in other words, i lost my perspective, i lost my cool, i lost my sanity.
well... to begin with, i was not a perfect person. and i tend to get agitated so easily... somehow, 'somebody' always manage to get under my skin! worst, there's nothing much i can do about it!!!
stupid as stupid does... or is it??
marriage is a holy, sacred bondage. but why do i feel as if it is a burden on me? there are good points - i got somebody to look after me and how else can i get my own flesh n blood, if its not thru marriage... and my son, is my bliss, my peace, my health...
to what extend can marriage be a blessed union? i don't know... i am lost. i don't know where i am. i don't know where i am going... all i know is, i will try to save all my love to my marriage - to my husband and everything related to him....
sorry mates, been busy setting up my spa. Luckily i got a good friend who helped me through out.
Yup, i managed to get my spa up & running - it is called "a'che spa"... (quick guess where i got the name from? hehhe). it is in Plaza Damas, Sri Hartamas. All friends and relatives are invited to come and show your support... yessaaa... We have good therapist, she's excellent! You will never regret coming...
Call us +6017 279 3698 or email email@example.com or visit our blog http://achespa.blogspot.com
Well, now that i have more time, i will dedicated few minutes of my day to update you, my beloved blog...
Thursday, August 23, 2007
my sister is moving out of her house
we are moving out tomorrow
moving in to my mother's new government house
tomorrow we are moving out
all my stuff are still out
tomorrow we have to pack everything
before people can bring them out
moving out of house is not easy
it will make you go greasy
i'll have friends that will help me
so i hope it will go breezy
i remember last time i moved out
few friends came and helped out
but it was a funny and memorable day
as all our peluh jantan and inner gases all came out
moving out is an experience
which you hope there is no recurrence
but no matter how you try to avoid
sooner or later it sure still happens
to my friend that is helping tomorrow
please do not sleep in sorrow
sleep tight and dont let the bed bug bite
cos tomorrow you will be our hero
hehehhehe.... you know who you are...
i almost open a spa last few months, but because the owner of the spa wont even negotiate on the price and i felt that something is not right somewhere (plus i didnt like the way her husband 'discuss' things with us).... i decided not to buy over her spa.
then, i went to find out on loans to start my spa from scratch - zero - nil. SME bank sent me to an entreprenuer course for 6 days at vry minimal fee of rm200. well, i learnt a lot about enterprenuership and i surely learnt that having 6 meals a day in a 6 day course can give u 'extra look'!
then, i met few friends - to gather info for my business proposal. before i could finish my proposal, i got a call from a friends saying that she wants to sell her spa. at good price. with good prospects and potentials. is this what people call FATE?
i will buy that spa and i will (finally) going to run my spa business. and this initial spa of mine will eventually have its chains of branches everywhere i cant even imagine.
perrghhh.... there may be those who dont believe it will work but I DO! and IT WILL!
God, please be with me all the way... and bless my business with profits and profits (heheheh... ) and benefits i can shower on others. amin....
Monday, August 20, 2007
i have many friends, but i noticed in my 'big' troubled times, these are the ones that God sent to me...
funny how life works
but guys, if you are reading this - thank you! for being there.
for putting up with my 'outstanding' behaviour... hehehhehe
yus is there whenever i got work issues... prinsip hidup
liza is there whenever i need good spontanous excitement in life
raja is there whenever i got issues understanding feelings
gaza is there almost all the times - esp with regards to computer hehehe
thank you again.
but most of the times, they are always there
Am I a guardian angel to anybody??
How would I know - but I hope I am...
(Note: in view to 50 years Merdeka celebration, 2 pictures were taken ages ago. so please do not adjust your screen - there is nothing wrong with your computer. they 'did' look like that once upon a time!)
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
our WEDDING 010303. at that time there wedding photography was not so famous and recognised (so, excuse the pose)...
in London. done the london eye with my hubby. went on the something like bungee jumping (without my hubby)... it was crazeeee!! such adrenalin rush!
also love water sports. i did waterski (i think that was what it's called), jetski, snorkling (tioman, redang, phuket, karambunai, etc).
also love absailing and those sort but hate hiking or mount climbing.
PLACES i've BEEN: penang, JB, Singapore, Terengganu, Perlis, N9(ofcourse), Perak, Pahang, Phuket, Karambunai Sabah, Bali, London UK, Bandung (i cant remember all).
there are pictures i've taken with the local artistes, shawn, amy mastura... not many... but sometimes it is fun just to take pictures with a celeb eventho u are not really into them :-)
there are many other things i wanna do
places i wanna go
I aM 30 tOdaY!
what was i 30 years ago? come, i'll take you thru the journey with me...
this was me - 29 years ago.
my 2 sisters and i (can recognise me?)... we were in shangri-la penang. i was still in secondary school. that was the hairstyle that i could afford - my hair was thick and kasar... hehhehe
being a child was great...
- i was born in 1977 in kota bharu kelantan (my parents were still studying in UK but they came back to deliver me in traditional way - darn! otherwise my place of birth would be Manchester UK hehehhe)
- was brought up by my grandparents in kelantan... always got tortured by my youngest uncle - i called him fat and he would chase me to give me a good kick in the butt...
- being the only grandchild at that time, i got LOTS of presents from my uncles and aunties...hahahhah
- i used to slap my sister in her face when she was sleeping and her legs were on my side of the bed. pretended to sleep when she woke up HAHHAHAH - sorry Liz.
- pushed my sister (Liz again!) into our pretend jail cell and she cried...also i pretended nothing happen
- bit my uncle the my dad on their hands when they ask me to share my toy gun (goshhh... and i didnt have mny teeth - so not so bad, ticklish maybe)
- kicked my youngest brother when my parents were not looking (hey, he kicked me first) that made him scared at me... sorry youl!
- always got myself in injury - scratched my face (fell down while playing police and thief), sprained my ankle whilst running in the rain,sprained my other ankle cos Liz fell on it while i chased her (she was a bit more than normal weight at that time!)
- sabotaged my great grandmother's drink by mixing it with Maggi powder - she's no longer alive, hope she forgave me
HAHHAHA.... those were the days... cant tell everything but i can guess you can imagine how my childhood was like...
Monday, August 13, 2007
from my understanding...
Men were created to lead. and women are to support them right by their 'side'...
Men are also to protect their women as they protect their ownself, hurting them is as good as hurting their own 'ribs'.
And both need each other...
Why? Why were we created different?
I remember there was one fight I had with my husband... he couldnt understand why i need to rely on him on certain things...
God gave a sense of dependency to a woman so she will always see her husband as someone she can trust, someone she can depend on, someone she feels safe with, a shoulder she can cry on... and many more
If a woman doesnt have all those feelings... imagine how a marriage would be?
A husband is independent... the wife is also independent... nobody needs anybody...
what's the point? (but dont be too dependent or clingy - it's annoying)
God created all these so that we can feel and appreciate how beautiful life is..
It is beautiful...to have somebody by your side. somebody who needs you, and you need them.
makes your life more meaningful once all these equations are fulfilled.
so, i will take our differences as our blessings. true, some differences are total wreck - but some couple's differences are meant to complete each other.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
what did we get? well, it was my first time to watch football live in the stadium - it was a great feeling: you can shout, you can scream, you do mexican wave, you can swear (not so adviseable), you can jump from your seat when you thought the team is about to score but they didnt... , you can flag your hands way up your head... and many more.
what about the game?
it was quite frustrating during the first half (in case you didnt know... we lost 2-0), both goals were scored during the first half. our team was playing on defensive mode with only one striker trying to even get the ball to the other side. supporters were quite restless (anyone could especially if you spend ages trying to park your car!)
but things changed during the second half (guess coach give them hell of a time). malaysia played more aggressive and more attacks and tackles were made. supporters bacame alive again - atleast we got something to cheer about, something to be excited about! eventhough no goal was scored, but we felt good cos of the fight we saw in them.
and they were MUCH MUCH better than our senior Malaysian team! and people were shouting, 'Dik, jangan jadi macam abang!" (indicating... don't be like your seniors who were kind enough to let the opponent to kick as many goals pass the goal keeper with very insignificant fight shown)
why malaysian do not watch football in stadium as much as those in europe?
firstly, our stadiums are not located in areas which are easily reached with lrt or commuter (etc)
secondly, fucking damn hard to get your car park
thirdly, some supporters are not sporting enough (we cannot throw water bottles or anything into the field - what are we? barbaric?)
well, i like my first experience and surely will go for more if time permits...
Monday, July 30, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
choosing the right path in your life, to a certain degree your decision will be based on what you know for certain will happen.
obviously nothing is perfect. we can only plan and carry out our plan as best as we can
but it is beyond our control to decide what will actually happen.
where was i last few weeks? i attended a course on becoming an entreprenuer...
yes, i wanna become one succesful damn rich entreprenuer
i hope and pray God will help me all the way
for i can only plan and strive my best - but very few i know what will actually turn out
what i know - my feelings are strong and i was not meant to end up as an employee
for i want more than that
and i want to write my own story, not somebody else...
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
every now and then there seems to be more of the above mentioned incidences. be it single women, married women, celebrities or nobodys... most would opt to have some kind of 'connection' with any Datuk. why?
just recently, a close friend of mine was having his most shocking encounter - to find out that his sort-of-beautiful wife to be having intimate affair with a well-known-for-his-womaniser-reputation Datuk. why? WHY?
i cannt understand the reason/s behind all these dangerous 'liaisons'... well... first of all, she's married. secondly... the husband is MUCH more good looking than the Datuk. come to think of it again, there shouldnt be a second reason cos the first one is good enuf!
what do women want? i am a woman - what do i want?
... many things: romantic husband, gentleman, caring, and of course able to provide me in 'any ways'. money wise... of course i want a husband who can tabur me with lots and lots of them. BUT... there are also many reasons why i cant have ALL at one time.
firstly, am i as perfect wife as i want him to be a perfect husband? (i rarely cook & he doesnt mind - that's already a good point)
secondly, how to expect him to have LOTS of money when i married a young guy who just started working? i married him based on his good qualities and on his high tolerance on my bizarre behaviour and i know HE HAD NO MONEY at that time!
but, as a muslim, i believe God has plans for all of us... maybe he will be somebody one day... nobody knows. but we know every effort will be paid.
and i hope one day, should he be granted with any 'title'ship - no younger women will come and take him from me. cos if she did, i will be the first one to take away his god-given-manhood from him and left her with none. yet i know, with God's permission, it will not happen... ameen.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Monday, July 2, 2007
i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
poem by ee cummings
yup, it's a tamil movie and it has been collecting millions from all over the world and the main actor, rajnikanth is the highest paid actor as compared to shah rukh khan or amitabh batchan (err... hope i spell everybody's name correctly...)
i have been reading commentaries on the movie in a few newspapers and mags and all gave out excellent comment.
well, where else can you watch one guy beat up more than 10 (or maybe couple of 'tens' hehehhe) villains and won with very few scratches on his body? and in which movie can you enjoy good hip moving songs, and not complaint on too much songs or music in it? in which movie can you see that the hero is much much much smarter than the police or authority (action moves like SWAT, BAD BOYS, etc EXCEPT he is not a guy in uniform)
another thing i learnt, tamil movies are more interesting than hindustanies... (they are more variations and more unpredictable story plots)
i am looking for a cd to watch at home cos my in laws also interested... wanna join me watching it?
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
very meaningful... deep message on family values.
when i first started working, i was still single, my priority was my work.
among the first to reach office and was among the last to leave; hardly go back to my hometown in melaka and fortunately my family members were being very understanding (eventhough sometimes my mom did pass few cynical remarks... hehehehh)
when i got engaged, i started to weigh and tried to foresee my future. i couldnt go on working like a dog when i have somebody that would eventually share my part of suffering. what do i mean? really, won't my spouse suffer of boredom whenever i was not home? won't he feel my stress when at times i bring back my work stress to home?
i changed department to a supposed-less-stress job. but no! stress are everywhere as long as there is work! i tried to balance family and work as much as i can, and yet the balancing part is very subjective. but i tried...
well, some people want to be a career person, it is not wrong.
but to me, families are my priority because they will be the one missing me the most when i leave this world one day... as i would miss them...
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
what the hell am i talking about??? (you may ask)
e.g. drainage will get clogged if no constant cleaning is being done
aircond ducting can also get 'jammed' if it is not properly maintained
your blood system, your aorta, veins will get clogged if you do not take care of your food or your lifestyle
yesterday, my friends and i played badminton after 3 years resting...
and we gave our own body system a 'SHOCK'! Praise God, we managed to get out of the badminton hall 'walking' (eventhough, it may look more like limping...).
we had fun, eventhough after the first 20 minutes we were running for water! and gagging for air...!
and about the clogged system, what do you expect after 3 years of no exercise...
i slept like a log. i woke up with aching back... not sure what happen to my friends... but i hope they survived the consequences... and ready to take another beating next week...
Monday, June 18, 2007
i believe that's the situation for most of us. we forget...
we forget the good feeling that comes with FUN
we forget how to have plain pure fun - without expecting anything in return, or suspecting any hidden agenda from somebody who provides you the fun time
children know how to have fun. they enjoy every second...
so, what's wrong with us adults? is it because we want to be grown up that we limit our fun time?
or because we want to look mature so we choose when to have fun?
or is it because, we went through too many things that make us give-up on fun...
some people still do have fun and their life seems easy...
i used to forget but now i will try to change... cause life with no fun also means life with migraine, nightmares, sleepless nights and the worst part is hemorrhoids (hhehehheheh...)