Sunday, December 30, 2007


everybody has experienced getting lost in their lives... even me n you
we got lost looking for a place
we got lost in our own thoughts
we got lost in our self directions
... almost anything

how do you know that you are lost?

... when you dont know what is the next sentence
... when you dont know what is the next move
... when you dont know what is next
... when you dont know what was before
... when you dont know what is happening now

find somebody
find something
look out for help
look out for clues

when you are lost sometimes you become unstable
-an unstable molecule is dangerous - it might explode... kaput or anything

i am an unstable molecule, except i am not stupid

Tuesday, December 25, 2007


I have a son - bright and very cheerful, but a bit timid...

Today, I watched another movie - "Stepmom" Julia Robert as the stepmom and Susan Sarandon as the mother.

Well... I cried (not a river but considerably flowing)
Why? The mother is dying of cancer and she was feeling sad & worry that one day her children might forget her and the stepmom will take her place. And she worried that her daughter (oh, she has a daughter and a son) will grew up to be like the stepmom (obviously she saw Julia Robert as a husband stealer)...

What I want my son to be? He was born as a clean white sheet... and my husband and I are given the task to colour it and the result will be how we painted it...

Again, what I want my son to be?

Of course, as a mother, I always pray he will be strong, successful, determine, well mannered and all the good things.. not just here but successful afterlife.

Whether he will turn out to be a doctor, or engineer, or architect, or photographer or whatever he will be - I will not dictate that for him. I just want him to be excellent in what he chose to become. And of course, i will mould all good attitudes and behaviour so he will become something great and not otherwise.

Gone were the days when parents tell us what we should become... cos by that way, many of us now don't have passion in what we do... it is just a job to do.

We always want our children to be somebody but we forgot that he is already a somebody today - we just need to observe and guide...

when a moment is lost...?

"a prince & me"

a good movie - love julia stiles and love the prince more. also love the way the prince look at her with full of inspiration, love and proud...

hmm... then i remember, that was how i felt when i looked at my husband (during our dating days). and another look that will always be in my mind is the time i looked at him the minute we became husband & wife. he looked most handsome, and glowing - maybe subconsciously it tells me "that is the man that will build my world, be my protector, paint my future" and all the hopes and dreams.

why - now whenever i looked at him, it is just a look? where have all the feelings gone to? what happen to it?

is it because we forgot to remind each other of our love? or is it because we thought thru marriage we don't have to express our feelings cos it is understood - hey, we are still married, rite?

i think some married couples still say "I love you" and mean it whenever they feel like and no doubt, there are also couples who (like what i mentioned in earlier paragraphs...) like to assume while they are still married, it means they love each other.

it may be a reason why we lost the look - the moment of love...

me? well, there is a reason why i LOVE watching romantic movies like Love Actually, Music & Lyrics, Catch & Release and more of similar manner - cos i love to imagine that i am in the leading actress' shoe...

nothing beats the feelings of knowing someone loves you - romanticly...
(am i being ridiculous?)

Monday, December 24, 2007


Biarkanlah saja diriku sendirian tanpamu
Biarkanlah aku merindu sekian lama
Bukan maksud untuk membisusepi tanpa kata
Terpisahnya kita kerana mengejar impian

Mungkinkah bersama dua jiwa ini
Dalam mencari cinta sejati
Mungkinkah segala derita di jiwa
Akan terubat kini

Biarkanlah saja diriku sepi tanpa kata
Terpisahnya kita kerana mengejar impian

Hanya satu pintaku
Sabarlah menanti
Ku kan pulang bersama

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

coming up

bEinG DeaF frOm MisERy....................

everyday i woke up... grateful that i am still alive...
but why am i feeling miserable?
is it misery? is it loneliness? is it depression? or is it just stupid PMS?

i don't know...
don't know why i am unhappy
don't know why i am in a slump
don't know why i am having this fucking feelings!

people would say i am blessed
... with a family - a husband and a brilliant son
... with a business i am running now - that is catching up and suits my passion
... with 2 houses i stayed in
... with support from family members
... with a good maid
... with everything
but why am i not happy?

was i blessed? what did i say...?
or was it ...
2 houses - which none are mine (one my mom's and the other is my in laws - which i have my stuff everywhere in any house which sometimes i bloody cant remember where are my stuff. and when i am in a mood to clear my laundry then i realised i was in the wrong house. and when i was in a mood to do my creative artwork i realised my stuff are in the other house. and when i feel like watching my favourite series i realised the damn TV doesnt have that channel!)

is it a bless?
or isn't it...
i have a good maid - that doesn't want to go to my mother's house. she's so good that i can't lay a finger on her. can't say anything. can't control when she wants to go back to see her husband. oh, and sometimes i have to 'berebut' my son with her (i wanted to bathe him but out of her good intention as a maid she INSISTED to bathe my son). and did i mention she always got the credit from my in laws? - she did...

what else am i bless with?
a car? yes, well... my car has been a loyal car for 8 years and now she is showing signs of wanting a 'promotion'

how can i be happy?
cos i am more than blessed...

i drove my car this morning and i put on my CD... why the hell still i cant hear the fucking music?!!
i increased the volume... still can't hear!! i only heard voices in my fucking head! what voices??? god knows!
i increased the volume again.... with a good pair of speakers i thought it would work...
yeah, now i am deaf from my misery after i increased the volume of more than half of what it has....
i am deaf but only for that moment...

the question is... what would i do after i stop my car??

Sunday, December 9, 2007


who knows what opportunity looks like... it comes and goes... sometimes you know it, sometimes you don't.

anybody watched the movie 'The Pursuit of Happyness'?

in that movie, will smith's character said... (forgot the name la)...
(something like...) " get lucky only when you are ready and opportunity comes your way..."

in a way i think it's true... eventhough opportunity comes to u and u are not prepared, you cannot take it. therefore, you are not lucky!

then, moral of the story... be prepared all the time. i am saying to myself as well cos i realised in business, you must always be prepared... even if it takes your whole time.

good luck!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007


our other half
the one we find comfort in
the one we trust our whole world is save with him/her
is it really comfortable?
is it really save?
(the cats look cosy though...)
the answer lies in you

Monday, December 3, 2007

how good you balance your life...?

saving all my love for you

in our lives... each individual will get different experience. depending on your perspectives, how you look at things.

as for me, many things happened last few days really tested my patience. frankly, i didn't know what perspective to look things at - in other words, i lost my perspective, i lost my cool, i lost my sanity.

well... to begin with, i was not a perfect person. and i tend to get agitated so easily... somehow, 'somebody' always manage to get under my skin! worst, there's nothing much i can do about it!!!

stupid as stupid does... or is it??

marriage is a holy, sacred bondage. but why do i feel as if it is a burden on me? there are good points - i got somebody to look after me and how else can i get my own flesh n blood, if its not thru marriage... and my son, is my bliss, my peace, my health...

to what extend can marriage be a blessed union? i don't know... i am lost. i don't know where i am. i don't know where i am going... all i know is, i will try to save all my love to my marriage - to my husband and everything related to him....

hella good!

long time no see....!!

sorry mates, been busy setting up my spa. Luckily i got a good friend who helped me through out.

Yup, i managed to get my spa up & running - it is called "a'che spa"... (quick guess where i got the name from? hehhe). it is in Plaza Damas, Sri Hartamas. All friends and relatives are invited to come and show your support... yessaaa... We have good therapist, she's excellent! You will never regret coming...

Call us +6017 279 3698 or email or visit our blog

Well, now that i have more time, i will dedicated few minutes of my day to update you, my beloved blog...