Wednesday, December 12, 2007

bEinG DeaF frOm MisERy....................

everyday i woke up... grateful that i am still alive...
but why am i feeling miserable?
is it misery? is it loneliness? is it depression? or is it just stupid PMS?

answer??
i don't know...
don't know why i am unhappy
don't know why i am in a slump
don't know why i am having this fucking feelings!

people would say i am blessed
... with a family - a husband and a brilliant son
... with a business i am running now - that is catching up and suits my passion
... with 2 houses i stayed in
... with support from family members
... with a good maid
... with everything
but why am i not happy?

was i blessed? what did i say...?
or was it ...
2 houses - which none are mine (one my mom's and the other is my in laws - which i have my stuff everywhere in any house which sometimes i bloody cant remember where are my stuff. and when i am in a mood to clear my laundry then i realised i was in the wrong house. and when i was in a mood to do my creative artwork i realised my stuff are in the other house. and when i feel like watching my favourite series i realised the damn TV doesnt have that channel!)

is it a bless?
or isn't it...
i have a good maid - that doesn't want to go to my mother's house. she's so good that i can't lay a finger on her. can't say anything. can't control when she wants to go back to see her husband. oh, and sometimes i have to 'berebut' my son with her (i wanted to bathe him but out of her good intention as a maid she INSISTED to bathe my son). and did i mention she always got the credit from my in laws? - she did...


what else am i bless with?
a car? yes, well... my car has been a loyal car for 8 years and now she is showing signs of wanting a 'promotion'

how can i be happy?
cos i am more than blessed...

i drove my car this morning and i put on my CD... why the hell still i cant hear the fucking music?!!
i increased the volume... still can't hear!! i only heard voices in my fucking head! what voices??? god knows!
i increased the volume again.... with a good pair of speakers i thought it would work...
yeah, now i am deaf from my misery after i increased the volume of more than half of what it has....
i am deaf but only for that moment...

the question is... what would i do after i stop my car??

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